I don't want to be rude, so please be honest....  My best friend is throwing a "fun" girls party this Saturday evening.  She's lacto-ovo vegetarian and knows of my vegan diet.  I'm helping her get the placed prepped before the event, and I offered to help her by making bean dips and such.  I asked her what she was planning on serving for a main meal - quiche.   I offered other suggestions, but she really likes that idea.  Now while I know that the party should not revolve around me one bit, I'm kinda torn on what to do.

I'm going to be there all afternoon beforehand, so not eating when I'll be there until late and when booze is involved is not an option.  I am thinking of bringing my own food, but then do I need to bring it for everyone else too?  I'm not wanting to make a separate meal to share.  Then again, I don't want to hurt her feelings or make others feel uncomfortable.

Guess I'm a little torn because when I was omni and threw dinner parties she attended, I always made sure they were vegetarian friendly or made a separate option that was vegetarian.  But I don't have that option here.  I know she's seen me partake in dairy when there was no other options available, but that's very few and far between.  This isn't a case like that, and I'd rather not make that happen any more than it already has.

Sorry so long, but what do you guys think on how to handle?

I have this problem with my friends sometimes.  I'm afraid the only option I've come up with is making at least one hearty vegan dish and bringing it with me.  In fact, not being able to eat dairy or eggs has made me someone who must ALWAYS plan ahead...which takes getting used to.  It would be nice if your friend could have tried to make a vegan main course, but the truth is, a lot of people see that as a great hassle and inconvenience even though it doesn't have to be!  Pack a lunch and a snack for yourself while you are prepping the party with your friend.  Vegan sandwich, veggies and hummus, dried fruit and nuts...done.  You obviously don't have to share your lunch.  In terms of bringing a main course to the party, just bring one thing, and there should be enough that people can at least try some.  You don't need to make something huge because all the vegetarians and omnivores have your friend's quiche, but it is good manners as a guest to bring something to share.  It would have been gracious of your hostess to provide a vegan entree, but perhaps she is nervous to prepare vegan food or lacks time.  Let me know if you need entree ideas!  "The Vegan Table" has a tofu carmelized onion tart that looks delicious!  Any bean or tofu dish could work as well.  I'll do some brainstorming and check back if you need ideas.  Good luck!

How long have you been vegan? Perhaps it slipped her mind? Honestly, I'd flat out call and ask her if she would mind if you brought your own meal since your vegan and if she'd rather you bring enough to share or just enough for yourself.

If it was someone I knew well, I'd just bring a platter for everyone. I've never known anyone, myself included, to scoff at extra food during a girls night or a party. :) I've gone to many gatherings, girls nights and parties where it ended up being appriciated (such as when a fellow vegan/veggie forgot to ask about the menu).

I just bring my own food. Regardless of the 'ooh what can you eat? I'll make sure there's food for you' that comes up time and time again. Even if its just a sandwhich, or some leftovers, I'll just keep it in my bag and figure it out when I get there.

You were saying there'll be dips etc that you can eat. So it's not like there are NO options for you. Just maybe not enough. If you still end up hungry, pull out your own food when everyone else is eating their quiches. Unless it's a formal dinner party, I can't imagine anyone would mind and you can just politely state (without fanfare) that you can't eat eggs so you brought along your own :)

I don't think there's sense in making a big deal of it in front of lots of people. My friends and family are so used to me bringing my own food everywhere that no one even batts an eyelid anymore!

Well....there will be dips there because I offered to make them (to insure they're vegan).  She knows that I've been vegan since July of last year (Hell, I bought her Alicia's book for Christmas.)  So I guess I'm a little hurt that whenever I threw parties before I was vegan, I always made sure she could eat almost anything (with very few exceptions), but I don't feel that same reciprocation. 

I'm debating whether to make a roasted vegetable (carrots, brussel sprouts, squash, and zucchini) and quinoa toss to "share" but to also be the main meal for me.  Other than that  - I really can't think of other ideas that'll be easy to make.

I'm also going to bring Alicia's Oatmeal, Plum, and Walnut cookies.  I know they're my bff's favorite, and I know I can eat those safely.  =)

It's her party, and I don't want to have to make a whole bunch of food for it because of me being vegan.  Then I might as well throw the party myself.  =) 

She knows that I've been vegan since July of last year (Hell, I bought her Alicia's book for Christmas.)  So I guess I'm a little hurt that whenever I threw parties before I was vegan, I always made sure she could eat almost anything (with very few exceptions), but I don't feel that same reciprocation.  I guess since she's seen me partake in dairy in a pinch (when no other option was available), she figures that I'll eat whatever she serves as long as it doesn't have meat (she's a vegetarian).

I like the roasted vegetable quinoa idea!  That sounds delicious.  I'll have to try that soon.  I've never made Alicia's oatmeal, plum and walnut cookies, but it's a good idea to bring a vegan entree and dessert for yourself, because I know when I'm around all my friends (especially when there is drinking involved) and they are eating luscious desserts, it is so hard for me not to partake in something sweet.  I think you have reason to be a bit hurt, but I would talk to your friend about your feelings after the party.  A lot of the time these things can get blown out of proportion if left unspoken.  Just let her know your feelings were hurt and see what she says.  I don't know your friend so I don't know how she reacts to things, but this seems like a perfectly reasonable topic of conversation; just try not to sound as if you are pointing fingers or getting defensive.  One thing about being vegan though (in my experience) is that one gets used to always being prepared with food.  My friends laugh at me when I pull a small jar of almond butter, a jar of carrot sticks, and some quinoa cookies out of my bag.  However, I realized that if I don't always pack a snack, I will get hungry and inevitably there will only be non-vegan food available or sugary processed vegan food.  That said, I hope your friends try harder to respect your vegan lifestyle.  Take care!

Roasted vegetable/quinoa does sound yummy. I also bring food for myself but enough to share and am always carrying vegan snacks. I look forward to the day when we won't have to go through this!

 I think your friend should have been more considerate--especially considering she's a vegetarian herself.

I always take my own food and I don't really care if it bothers anyone. It's my choice to eat vegan so no one else should feel obligated to cater to my food choices, besides I'd rather make my own food anyway. I'd take a dish to share if you want but you aren't obligated to bring enough for everyone of what you bring for yourself.

I like to take brown rice and veggie stir fry because I can actually eat that cold if a microwave isn't available. I pack a whole damn lunch whenever I go anywhere because I can't expect people to have food for me.

Best you can do is just have a chat with your friend and make here aware that although you'd like to eat the quiche as it is probably very nice that your wanting to make the effort on staying vegan and staying away from dairy etc and that you will bring your own meal so she doesnt have to go to any extra effort.

It can be tricky at times for us vegans and i find parties and barbacues are sometimes the hardest issues. Infact ive had friends mothers who used to cook for me fall out with me in general because i wouldnt accept fatty fried meats and chips for tea when i visited. Not like i was obnoxious about it, i sat and explained diet was playing a real key part in my poor health and that i needed to try my best to rectify it and eating vegan helped but she still fell out with me. Some people are just funny like that i guess.

http://www.amlaberry.co.uk

I always think of the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", when the guy doesnt eat meat and after the aunt freaks out, she says "that's ok, I'll make lamb" and everyone is happy!   Too funny!

I actually just ran into this today at work.  Next week is a picnic, and I figured since I was veg that I would offer to bring some veggie burgers so as not to impose - and also I figure that there must be someone else in the Central NY area in our company that is vegetarian/vegan.   Long story short - boss and co-workers kinda laughed (they think me odd already - eating healthy...who knew) I shrug it all off - just keep reminding myself - its for the animals!

Hey Dolores,

you have a tough decision to make - I would go both ways: talk to your friend, explain that you'd like to stay on your vegan diet and then bring something to share for everyone - this could be an ice-breaker.

I agree with Evie: take along something sweet, too. And don't worry: if you take a closer look, you will find that a lot of people have strange eating habits. For example: I have a friend who has never eaten any fruits or vegetables her entire life! She lives on a meat-and-pasta-diet. To me it's a miracle that she's still alive...

As for me, I too have a lot of problems with my friends and with my boyfriends's mom. They all eat meat except for me and sometimes are trying to make me give up on my diet. Especially his mom who is sure I can infuluence my bf to avoid "healthy" products. I'm pretty sure it can definitely be called rude...

Internet radio