I get very heated whenever I encounter these situations, as I find it hard not to get overwhelmed with all the things I want to say, all the proverbial fire I want to spit...

But in every instance, my anger is met with resistance: Defensiveness, rationalizations, or even straight-up claims of not giving a damn about the issue. The only times I've been able to engage in a meaningful discussion have been using a tactic like the one you just outlined.

I like to ASK people about their decision... Things like "Have you ever thought about it?" or "Have you ever seen or been exposed to the truths of fur/meat etc.?"

From there, you're forcing them to either A) Admit that they don't really have any compassion/don't care, or B) that they are truthfully ignorant of the reality. When you force someone to reach a conclusion on their own they are more likely to respond in a positive way. I've even "converted" (though i hate the word) a few people to stop wearing fur or eating meat just through civil discourse.

Good post!    

I have never seen people wearing fur. But one can try giving them a cute furry soft toy as a gift. This can remind them of the beautiful source of the fur they are wearing and get them more in touch with animals. Eventually, they will think that putting on fur will make them look like a silly and unflattering "walking animal" or "someone in animal costume" aka mascot.

Not to mention that "most" people who don't follow ethical issues on animals may not even  realize that some of that fur may have come from China from cats or dogs...the very animals we hold so dear to our hearts as family members. 

Well, I haven't met anybody wearing fur, only people wearing leather. I talked to my brother about it and showed him the Earthlings video in google and now he thinks it twice before buying leather. I had a friend that works in exports, he invited me and I told him that I was not going to participate in that with Alpaca wool, and he showed me a passage from the Bible, where it says "thanks god for making all animals my servants" and I reacted really bad (really) so he ended up our friendship that same week :S.

You are right about having loooots of patience, Alicia. One has to deal with all sorts of people who have their own beliefs and excuses to harm animals. Maybe some are extreme cases, but even normal people, or "open mind" like me and my brother want to hear nice words. In my case, I was an anti bullfighting activist and when I was in action he he I met vegetarian guys out there and they started judging me about why I was there defending bulls if I eat them...I remember I felt bad about being judged so I disliked them a lot, I had this idea that they felt "perfect". So it was 6 moths after that, when I met nice vegetarians who introduced me in this world and I investigated in videos and articles stuff about vegetarianism but knowing I was not being judged or manipulated, but taking the right decision myself. So now I try to inform people with things I know,  in light conversations, like making them feel curious about it, without judging them personally, so they can do the rest of the work investigating. I'm also going to take your advice about what words to use :P

Fur is gross but people have asked me what about faux fur? That always confuses me... 

how bout goose feathers? same thing really. Whats sad is these young girls are wearing these feathers and have no idea where they came from.

This is why I love you Alicia! Perfect approach.  I know I respond much better to kinder gentler persuasion.  Which is why your book finally got me to committ to the kind life.  You are making a difference Alicia.  Keep up the good work.

I haven't gotten into that situation yet. But I suppose it will be similar to conversations with meat-eaters. I just explain my reasons for avoiding animal products (cruelty, needlessness, etc) and the fact that there are great alternatives. I can't judge/get angry at other b/c I was once an omni myself.

This is going to sound hokey, but I try to do everything with love. When you communicate with love, you plant the seeds of compassion in others.

I have never really had the opportunity to actually stop and speak to anyone about their choice to wear fur, although I have seen a fair share of people wearing it since I used to live and work in New York. My mom owned a fur-collared coat and I know the only reason she had it was because it was given to her as a gift. In the '80s when PETA was airing all those gruesome anti-fur ads, my mom used to get a lot of negative looks and comments from random people, to the point where she decided to stop wearing it and I think gave it to charity so she didn't have to feel so uncomfortable.

To me, that is a case where just being open and honest about how you feel when you see it worked and where no had to "attack" her persay, just give the right look.

I agree with you, Alicia and Ryan, about just commenting or asking someone about their choice or if it's real or not, although if you just ask if it's real then give them a comment like "Hmmm...okay", they may just take that as you being catty I think, and the true point may not really sink in. I think if I had the opportuinity to open a dialogue with someone about it, I would definitely ask them if they understand exactly where that fur is coming from and direct them to a site with information on just how horrible the fur industry is. I hope I do get the chance one day, but I don't associate with anyone who is unaware of topics like this as I have only enlightened and caring friends :)

Also, I hear what you're saying, Anneka! I have not really seen anyone wearing these feather extensions I have read about, but I was thinking, "don't they know where those feathers come from?" I hope it's a fad that ends quickly!

Thanks for opening this topic, Alicia. It's one I feel strongly about too and I hope more people start making the choice to say NO to fur instead of following the despicable fashion trend that is SOOO unnecessary for so many reasons! We don't live in Russia after all!

I really enjoyed reading about this approach. Whenever I see people wearing fur I'm so desperate to open their eyes to the destruction and cruelty they are supporting I find they shut down and don't listen.

I'm curious to know what you all thought of the piece on Marie Claire about fur. On the September issue, this story (http://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/trends/cruelty-free-furs?click=main_sr) calls fur "cruelty-free". I found that deceptive and irresponsible and was surprised to not see a bigger outcry from the vegan community.

Living a compassionate life means sometimes even having compassion for people who are making choices that are harmful or ignorant.

That is the exact sentiment I've been trying to find words for, and I think an excellent motto for all of us!

I have accepted the moniker of certifiable "health nut" who is against eating all animal based foods. I fight the moniker of "vegan" because it is used like a form of mental deficiency or oppotunity for jokes in mass media. Although I'm in harmony with vegans, I avoid the moniker because it clouds the simple message of eating plants as a path to optimal health (eating a whole plant based diet).

I live in a conservative rural community where slaughtering grass fed animals is a way of life. I have learned to accept people for who they are, otherwise I would have not friends at all. It's only by example that I've slowly made an impact on others when they finally are ready to make a lifestyle change that will benefit them and the world as a whole. If I challenged my neighbors about their fancy dress choices with anger, I'd lose their trust and friendship. I agree that their can be tangential mention of the clothing that is done in good humor and taste.

I get a fair about of teasing at work about being a health nut, but that gives me an opportunity to educate and gently tease back. Having a strong relationship with my friends at work, I can comment on their choice of pulled pork for lunch without creating animosity. I have noticed a significant improvement in their food choices over time including a lot more balance of vegetables in their lunches.

Directly attacking the problem of furs in fashion is not as effective as accepting, understanding, and educating.

What's difficult for me is deciding what to do about the leather products I already own since I have become a vegan and decided to no longer purchase items made from animals.  I know that if people see me wearing the items they will think it's hypocritical, but since I already own them, I don't think I should have to get rid of them.  It's difficult, because you feel like you should lead by example and if people see you wearing it they think it's ok by you.  I don't know, very conflicted.  I've been trying to introduce people to the realities of the food industry, but a lot of people are resistant.  I hear a lot of "I don't want to change, so I don't want to know".  I do agree that the non judgemental way to go is the best way to go, but it is difficult to pull unwilling heads out of the sand!

I think that's a great approach, and one that we can use for all things vegan, not just fur.  I too find that being jugdmental or giving a lecture to non-vegans is not the way to go.  For intance with food I try to get them to have a taste of my vegan food, well first I don't even tell them it's vegan, then when they see how delicious it is I tell them hahaha.  So I guess to answer your question, you can't really change someone.  It's something that they're gonna have to do on their own.  But your "planting a seed" method is one where if we just strike just a spark of slight awareness of what they're wearing, what they're eating, then hopefully they can further their understanding of what it means to live compassionately.

This is going to ruffle some feathers but... Where do you stand on furs not from 'the industry'? For examply I have a rabbit and 5 chinchillas. My oldest child (9) has already planned out that she wants a hat made out of the rabbit's pelt when he dies. She has loved and pet (not quite taken care of him... too impatient and forgetful but she is a child) him since she was 2. I personally see nothing wrong with her having a hat of his fur.

Just wondering what other people's thoughts are.

And just to be clear. I do not support the fur industry or it's practices and the only fur I own was my grandmothers.